Title: The Shepherd's Marriage
Scripture: 1 Timothy 3:2
Speaker: Nate Pickowicz
Well, the Bible speaks of God's relationship to His people in different ways. We are regarded as adopted children, Romans 8.15. We are called servants, and even according to Romans 6, slaves of righteousness. We're called God's fellow workers in 1 Corinthians 3.9. We're even called His friends in John 15.14. But there is one metaphor that stands out as the prime analogy of how the Bible regards God and His people, and that is the analogy of marriage.
In the Old Testament, God is regarded as a husband, and Israel is likened to His bride. And so He, as the husband, is the head, the leader, the provider, the protector, and she is His beloved, beautiful, desirable, submissive to His position. And even when Israel committed idolatry against the Lord, which is spiritual adultery, God sought to restore her and to love her again.
And we see this analogy carried over even in the works of Hosea and Isaiah, Jeremiah, Ezekiel, over and over again, the metaphor is carried forward. Even the early church up until the 19th century interpreted the Song of Solomon, the Song of Psalms, as a love song between God and His people. Fast forward to the times of the New Testament, the analogy is carried along as representing the relationship between Christ and the church.
Ephesians 5 articulates the strongest example of that, calling Christ the head of His wife, the church, and the church as the wife being subject to her husband. And while many believers, especially men, I think, struggle with this analogy, it does effectively communicate the intimacy and the mystery of our union with Christ. Because that's how Christ views His church, as His precious bride whom He loves, whom He cherishes, for whom He gave His life.
Believers that's how Jesus sees you, He loves you with that kind of affection. And in caring for His beloved bride, He entrusts her, the church, to faithful leaders who will love her as He does. And all of this this morning brings us to the topic of biblical qualifications for those church leaders, specifically the shepherd's marriage, which we're going to look at in 1 Timothy chapter 3. So if you have your copy of Scripture, go to 1 Timothy chapter 3 this morning, bringing all of these things to bear on our understanding of the text.
The Apostle Paul has written this letter of instruction to his young disciple Timothy, who is a pastor of the church in Ephesus. And even though there is much to be written pertaining to the pastoral ministry, Paul identifies the purpose of this. He says in verse 15, I write to you so that you will know how one ought to conduct himself in the household of God, which is the church of the living God, the pillar and support of the truth.
And so this is for the sake of the church examining itself along also with the leaders of that church. Because there were, according to chapter 1 verse 3, certain men in Ephesus in the Ephesian church who were teaching strange doctrines. They were teaching what was false to these people.
And so Paul spends some time outlining the importance of pastors and teachers proclaiming the truth, and we looked at that earlier on when we started this study. They must be teaching what is in accordance with the gospel, the glorious gospel of our blessed God, chapter 1 verse 11. But it's not just the false teaching that is harmful to the church, it's also unrighteous behavior and bad character that are a plight on the body of Christ.
In his letter to Titus, Paul warns of men who are defiled in conscience and deprived of the truth. He notes in Titus 1.16, these false teachers, he says, they profess to know God, but by their deeds they deny him being detestable and disobedient, worthless for any good deed. And so not just bad teaching, but also bad character.
Well, how does the church insulate itself from such men? We don't want bad teachers, bad examples, bad shepherds in the flock. How do we insulate and protect away from those things? Well, Paul is going to address this issue in chapter 3 here, giving sort of a character sketch to be used as a tool to evaluate potential leaders. And so this first group of leaders he addresses is the elders.
The elders in chapter 3, verses 1 through 7. We began last week, but we're going to look at this again today. So 1 Timothy chapter 3, verses 1 through 7. Paul writes, it is a trustworthy statement. If any man aspires to the office of overseer, it is a fine work he desires to do.
An overseer then must be above approach, the husband of one wife, temperate, prudent, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not addicted to wine or pugnacious, but gentle, peaceable, free from the love of money. He must be one who manages his own household well, keeping his children under control with all dignity. But if a man does not know how to manage his own household, how will he take care of the church of God? And not a new convert, so that he will not become conceited and fall into the condemnation incurred by the devil.
He must have a good reputation with those outside the church, so that he will not fall into reproach and the snare of the devil. And so last time we were together, we looked at just verse 1, and we talked about how it was good. It's a good thing for a man to aspire to the office, to the position of overseer.
And this word overseer in the Greek is episkopos. It sounds like the word episcopal. That's where the episcopal church derives the name from, but episkopos refers to pastors or elders or teachers in the church, those who oversee all matters of church life and doctrine.
Several words in the New Testament are used for this office. Bishops, overseers, elders, pastors, shepherds. It's all several terms, but it's all the same biblical office, the same job.
And that primary responsibility is to exercise oversight in the church. Now at this point, Paul issues sort of an all call to everyone, and he says, if any man in the church would desire to serve in the office of pastoral ministry oversight, he said it's a fine work he desires to do. And yet we also understand that simply to desire that office is not enough by itself.
Again, it's good for a man to want to do this. It's good for a man, even a young man, to desire to aspire to the office of ministry, pastoral ministry, to shepherd over the church. But again, the desire is not the only thing.
There are also qualifications. Well, why? Because not only is an elder to be a shepherd and to lead and teach and exercise authority over the church, but he's also called, according to 1 Peter 5.3, to prove to be an example to the flock. He must demonstrate what is basic in Christianity and how that's lived out.
Because you look at what the Bible teaches about a life of faith, a life of belief in Christ, the Christian life, a sanctified life, a holy life, and you say, well, what does that look like? We must have examples of what this is going to look like. This is why Paul says in verse 2 that an overseer, therefore, must be, must be above reproach. The Greek word is anepaleptos.
It's a unique word in the New Testament. It's only used three times, but it literally means not able to be laid hold of. It comes with a sense of legality to it.
If you were arrested for a suspected crime, there wouldn't be enough evidence to hold you. That's the idea, that you're unholdable. And so it's important that we note that above reproach means that you're not able to have accusations stick to you, but it also does not mean sinless or flawless.
Above reproach doesn't mean perfect, because if that were the case, no man would be qualified for pastoral ministry. It would be impossible. But there is a sense in which they must be above any kind of reproach.
Pastors and elders, again, are still sinners. We are all sinners saved by God's grace through faith in Christ. Yet their life is not open to a reasonable attack or a criticism.
Again, it doesn't mean that they won't be criticized or they won't be attacked, but rather they don't have any ensnaring or enslaving issue that would call their leadership or their character into question. The New King James actually renders this word as blameless. Blameless.
Gordon Fee defines it as irreproachable, observable conduct. I like that. Observable conduct that is irreproachable.
Paul in verse 10 includes a similar word. It's not the exact same Greek word, but it's a word that's translated as beyond reproach. Not just above reproach, but beyond.
The sense is if someone were to bring a charge of any kind of flagrant, sinful thing against them, there would be no evidence, no blame to be had, and no reproach. Again, they would be above such reproach. And so overseers, pastors, shepherds, elders must be above reproach.
But what follows here in Paul's discourse is a portrait of what a life that is above reproach is supposed to look like. In verses 2 through 7 here, we see that Paul is laying out the qualities to be examined, and he's touching on many different aspects of a man's life. He talks about his marriage.
He talks about his family. His personal integrity. His abilities.
Also his reputation. All of these things are to be examined. And so we need to consider this when we look at men who are qualifying or desire to be qualified for ministry.
And again, this goes beyond just the pastoral office. I mean, I'm the primary, the sole pastor, teaching pastor of this church, but we have elders of this church. But it goes beyond even to men that we would qualify in the future.
We've been praying about hiring another pastor or raising up or training another pastor. How are we going to know how to examine and qualify such a man? We're looking to train up more elders and more leaders in the future. How do we have a metric to measure and qualify such men? This is not going to be something that we just do once.
Hopefully I'm here for the next 40 years, but not just once and done. This is going to be an ongoing thing. So if we don't understand how to do this, we're going to struggle in the future.
So this is so important. But I want to also note something else too. This isn't just for church leaders.
Elder qualifications are Christian qualifications. We don't think about it this way, but we really should. In other words, there's nothing listed here in these verses that God does not command for every single believer.
Uprightness in marriage, godliness in character, faithfulness in parenting, excellence in witness. You look at this list and any one of these items here, could you look at these and say, yeah, God doesn't want that for me. You can't look at anything and say, yeah, that's okay.
I could just skip out on that one. I could be greedy after game. Sure, that's fine.
Again, I don't want to belabor the point, but when you look at these, we have to see these are Christian qualifications. And yet, what God desires for every Christian, He requires for church leadership. That's the difference.
These are requirements that a man cannot be disqualified in these areas and hold office. These are non-negotiable. A man has to be above reproach.
And so the first requirement we're going to look at today here of one who is above reproach is that he is the husband of one wife. Now, there has been a lot of discussion over the years about this requirement specifically, going even as far back into the early church days. What does Paul intend by this phrase, a husband of one wife? What does he mean by this? I'm going to give you a couple of discussion points that people have seen in this verse.
Some have seen this as a mandate for pastors to be married, that a single man would not be qualified for ministry. But what's interesting is that if we were to take that position, that would mean that the Apostle Paul would be disqualified and the Lord Jesus Christ Himself would also not be qualified for ministry. So there is a contradiction even in the fact that Paul himself is not married and he's making that requirement, again, if that is his intention.
But Paul actually makes the argument for the benefit of singleness in ministry in 1 Corinthians chapter 7 verse 32. He actually says, frankly, guys, it's better if you're not married with a family because then you can devote yourself completely to the work of the Lord. But he says, I also understand that not every man desires to do that.
Not every man can be single in ministry. And yet I also see the blessing of a pastor being married and having children, though it's not a requirement. And so from giving a command that he has to be married, again, I think Paul is arguing for something very different.
Paul is instead addressing the assumption that most pastors are married. And so if the pastor that you're examining is married, he must be the husband of one wife. And so I don't believe he's talking about the requirement that pastors have to be married.
There's a second view to this phrase, and that is Paul is refuting the practice of polygamy, that a husband of one wife is the emphasis on one, meaning he's not to have multiple wives at one time. This is actually the view held by John Chrysostom in the 4th century. It was carried forward by John Calvin in the 16th century.
But many scholars, however, don't believe that Paul is addressing specifically the issue of polygamy, mostly because it was not a dominant practice at that time. It was against the law in Roman culture to practice polygamy, and it was forbidden in Scripture. You can't find a verse in Scripture that tells you that this is allowable, even though we do see sinful examples of men who did this.
But Scripture is very clear, that you're not to have multiple wives. And yet we know that some Jews practice that in a wrong way, obviously. However, polygamy is completely forbidden in Christianity.
It always has been, it always will be. To practice polygamy is to operate outside the bounds of Christian orthodoxy. Furthermore, sexual activity belongs only inside the marriage covenant.
If you're not married to someone, if they're not your husband or not your wife, you are not to engage in sexual activity, period. We used to believe and understand this for years, and now culture has just swept it all in where it's fine. It's not fine.
Scripture is very clear. 1 Corinthians 6-9, do not be deceived, neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals shall inherit the kingdom of God. Of course, these sins can be forgiven if you're confessing them.
Again, we see in verse 11 that you can be washed and sanctified and justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ. So all sexual sin can be forgiven if you confess it to Christ, but these practices by themselves are not acceptable. And so when we consider this, in light of that though, that Paul is insisting a husband and one wife means he's not talking about polygamy, that's redundant.
He wouldn't be making the argument because not only no leader would be allowed to be married to multiple women, but no Christian would have allowed to be married to multiple women either. And so again, many do not accept that that is Paul's meaning, his intended meaning here, even though the principle is true. The principle is true.
But what is Paul talking about? There's a third view, which is popular in many circles, and that Paul means to say that a pastor cannot have more than one wife sequentially. In other words, that remarriage of pastors or elders is unacceptable. In fact, the new revised standard version of the Bible translates the phrase married only once.
But is that what Scripture teaches? Because there's really two conditions by which remarriage would be necessitated. One would be the death of a spouse, and number two would be the divorce from a spouse. Those are the only situations that you would want to be remarried is if one of those two things happen.
Now, most Christians who hold this view will concede that a widowed pastor may remarry. However, some more literalists say no, that if your wife dies, your ministry is over. But most of church history has accepted the view that a widowed pastor can remarry.
That happens all the time. Just a couple of examples from church history, John Cotton, his wife died, he remarried. John Owen, J.C. Ryle was married twice more after his wives passed away.
Cotton Mather was married three times because of death. Adoniram Judson, the missionary to Burma, married three times because of death. Isaac Smith here in Gilmanton, he was widowed, remarried, many, many others.
Noticing a pattern that being married to a pastor is dangerous, ever notice that? Especially in the earlier days. But over again, you know, time after time, we see the practice even in early years of pastors who are widowed while in ministry saying goodbye to the one who the Lord has called home and remarrying a wife again. And so, if that's how we've understood this verse to mean, then husband of one wife is not a sequential thing where the number is the issue.
Again, not speaking of widowed pastors. And if you were to throw in some verses to that, Romans 7, verses 1 through 3, 1 Corinthians 7, 8 through 9, 1 Corinthians 7, 28, 7, 39, and 40, over and over again, we see that Christians are free to remarry after death, again, as long as it's in the Lord. If you're a Christian and your spouse dies, you must go and remarry a Christian in the Lord.
And so, death is one cause why a person would desire to be remarried. What about divorce? Are divorced pastors disqualified from ministry? This is an issue that is hotly debated, especially in light of our modern culture that values or favors no-fault divorce. I mean, you can get a divorce very easily for virtually no reason whatsoever.
Culture devalues marriage to a terrible fault. However, it is my view, and I've held this view since the beginning I've been teaching here, three times I've addressed it from the pulpit, and it's this, it depends. It depends.
If a pastor is divorced on unbiblical grounds, unbiblical grounds, he is disqualified from ministry, period. It's very simple. Like every Christian, he has an obligation to obey the Lord in his marriage commitment.
If he does not obey that commitment, he is disqualified. And frankly, I do not believe that a pastor can be restored to ministry if he's been sinfully divorced or disqualified because he would no longer be above reproach. I don't believe in just the cycle of just bringing men back after they have fallen.
It happens all the time today. A man will fall from ministry, and it seems like a year later he's back in again. I think that's a terrible reproach in the church.
It's certainly not an example of faithfulness in ministry or faithfulness in marriage. But what about, and this is the other situation, this is why I say it depends, what about if this pastor or elder is the innocent party of a divorce on biblical grounds? That changes things slightly now. Would he be disqualified from serving in pastoral ministry? Potentially no.
I say potentially because every case needs to be carefully examined. We have to look at this very carefully because there are biblical grounds for why a divorce should be granted. Jesus gives one example, sexual immorality, Matthew 19, 9. Paul gives another example, desertion by an unbelieving spouse, 1 Corinthians 7, 15.
And so it does not make sense that the Lord would give a merciful provision to an egregious sin and divorce and yet exclude pastors from that mercy as well. Furthermore, if we reject the claim that Paul is disqualifying widowed pastors based on this verse, again, numerical, number of women that he's been married to in his lifetime, we also must maintain the same hermeneutic to say he's not disqualified if he has a biblically sanctioned divorce as well. Again, even just the grammar alone of the verse would tell us this.
But what does the statement mean? What does a husband of one wife mean? Textual scholars have noted the literal translation of the original Greek. It's sort of clunky. It's hard to put into English, but it's basically this, of one woman, a man.
Linguists have rendered this differently. They say it this way, that he must be a one woman, man. A one woman, man.
Well, what is a one woman, man? Well, in short, as it is in the New English Bible as it translates, this is a man who is faithful to his wife. Faithful to his wife. Faithful not only in body, but in eyes, heart, and mind.
Devoted to her alone. And if we're talking about a man who is above reproach, then he has a reputation for having eyes and a heart for his one wife. That he's not known for being a philanderer.
He's not known for being a flirt. He has focused on his wife. She is the object of his earthly affection.
A number of scholars, modern scholars, believe that's what Paul is talking about here. Marital, sexual faithfulness. Of course, this is not a new interpretation.
Even in the early church, for example, in the late fourth century, there was a church father named Theodore of Mopsuestia who comments this way. He says, the natural meaning of a one woman man is a man who having contracted a monogamous marriage is faithful to his marriage vows. And so more than this, they must typify a godly example of a Christian husband.
Turn over to Ephesians chapter 5 with me. I think this is going to be helpful for us to see. Because out of all the verses that deal with marriage in the Bible, I think Ephesians 5 is arguably the most expansive and engaging as it describes the loveliness and the mystery of marriage, particularly as it displays the spiritual relationship between God and his people.
In the context of the letter here, Paul is teaching about the unity and the godliness within the context of the body of Christ. However, this is one primary place that we see it lived out within the context of marriage. Marriage is a wonderful example of unity and godliness and uprightness.
Paul is addressing here wives and husbands together in the passage. But as we're considering the topic of a man who's qualified for ministry, specifically a man's marriage, we're going to focus primarily on what the Bible is teaching here is for the men. So we're actually going to pick it up in the middle of the beginning of the passage here.
We're going to go right to Ephesians 5.25. Paul says, Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for her, so that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word. That he might present to himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies.
He who loves his own wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of his body. For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh.
This mystery is great, but I am speaking of with reference to Christ and the church. Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband. And so if we're considering here the qualification, Paul's exhortation for Christian leaders, that they are to be faithful to their wives, they have to be a one-woman man.
We have to consider here that there are multiple areas of faithfulness. What does it look like for a man to be faithful to his wife? Now, it's interesting here, Ephesians 5.25-33 does not explicitly mention the requirement for sexual fidelity, but it is certainly implied. Furthermore, it's already been stated in the previous verses.
If you were to read all of Ephesians, it's right there. For example, there's a warning against sensuality and impurity in chapter 4, verse 19. There's a rebuke in chapter 5, verse 4 against filthy talk or coarse jesting.
Even the nature of your communication, the way that you speak, should not be perverse the way the world speaks. In other words, a sexually pure man is not going to speak in a filthy, inappropriate way. His language should be chaste.
Ephesians 5.5, he says, And so it's very clear that sexual fidelity and purity are to be expected. Paul's bringing that right into Ephesians 5. You wouldn't ignore those previous verses. But Ephesians 5.25, it goes further than that.
It's not only purity and fidelity physically. He actually commands husbands, men, you are to love your wife. Love your wife as Christ loves the church.
And so Christian men certainly are called to do this, but pastors and elders are to love their wives with a Christian love, a Christ-like love. We are to be demonstrating that kind of Christ-like love. What does that consist of? How did Christ love the church? Verse 25, he says, A husband's love is to be a self-sacrificing love.
We must be men who sacrifice for our wives. That's the call, to model Christ in that way. And Christian leaders are to model a self-sacrificial Christ-like love for their wife.
Again, a faithful leader is a loving husband. But he must also lead his wife, not just love his wife, but lead her in the faith. Look at verse 26.
He says, We're talking about Scripture now. Because sanctification is the process of Christian growth, the Bible entrusts the responsibility of a wife's spiritual nourishment to her husband. The husbands are responsible that he is the one who's leading her into being sanctified and cleansed and nourished on the biblical exhortation of the husband.
Well, how do you do that? How do I nourish and cherish my wife biblically? How do I wash her with the water of the Word? Let me just give you a couple of very practical tips. This is the most practical thing, very, very simple here. Number one, men, be in your Bible every day.
Be in your Bible every day because you can't lead your wife, you can't lead your family in the faith if you don't know what God says. How can you expect your wife or your children to have mastery of any kind of level of Scripture if you yourself are not modeling that for them? So be in your Bible every single day. Number two, take responsibility for your wife's spiritual growth.
You might be thinking, well, I've got enough to do with my own spiritual growth. Well, yes, but the mantle of the Lord has been placed on you to take your wife's spiritual growth personally. Make sure that she's in her Bible every day.
And if she's struggling, find a way to help her to make sure that she gets into her Bible. Pray for her. Pray with her.
Encourage her in the faith. Don't be the voice that nags at her and pulls her away from God's Word and away from Christian truth and away from godliness. Don't be that.
Because if you cause her to stumble in the faith, Jesus has very strong words for you in Matthew 18. It'd be better for someone to have a millstone tied around their neck and drown to the bottom of the ocean than to cause one of his little ones, his spiritual children, to stumble. And so not only are we not to cause our wives to stumble, we should be leading them in the faith, encouraging their godliness and their growth.
And so take responsibility for your wife's spiritual growth. Number three, model Christ's likeness in your marriage. Model Jesus in your marriage.
Learn to think and respond in godly ways. Bring scriptural truths into family situations, into conflicts. Endeavor to become the godliest man that you can be.
Not for anybody else. I mean, certainly the church of Jesus Christ needs your godliness, but I'll tell you, your family needs it more. Men, take seriously the call to be a Christian man.
Forget leadership for a second. I don't even care about that at the present moment. I'm just talking about men who are godly in their own family.
It's so important. And so model Christ's likeness in your marriage. Number four, and this is the last one I'll give you just for now.
Number four, be humble. Be humble. Consider your wife's needs before your own.
That's Philippians 2.3. When you're wrong, be quick to repent. Don't drag it down. Don't make your wife push you and cajole you into apologizing when you're clearly wrong about something.
You'd be the first one to come forward. Model repentance for them, for her and for your kids. Model grace.
Model kindness to her so that she will see Christ's likeness in you. Again, very practical ways that you can grow in this area. Look at verses 28-30.
He says, So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we're members of His body.
Now there is so much. I mean, I could do a whole sermon series on just this. On husbands and wives in marriage loving one another and doing what God commands.
But we see here there's so much that can be applicable to the responsibilities of Christian husbands. Again, time does not permit me to do so. However, I want to say this.
If a man does not know how to love his wife, he will never know how to love the church. It's very plain, very simple. If you love your wife, yes, maybe you'll know how to love the body of Christ.
But this is His bride. And we're entrusted with loving His bride. Elders, pastors, leaders, shepherds must love Christ's bride.
And to learn how to do that, they must love their own bride. The husband of one wife, it's all about devotion. But it's also about integrity and faithfulness and godliness.
Because a man who will not sacrifice himself for his wife will not be sacrificial when he serves the church. It just won't happen. But I want to speak to the other side of this for just a second.
This isn't only about the men. I know I'm poking the guys in the eye here. It's good for you.
Trust me. You think it's bad sitting on your side. I've been in this all week getting poked in the eye here.
I mean, this is tough stuff. It's not just about the man, though. It's also about the wives.
Because God will not call a man without also calling his wife. They're one flesh. A Christian wife must also demonstrate Christlike character.
Because there have been men who have desired to serve the Lord in ministry only to be undercut by their wives. It happens. A selfish or a pushy or a needy wife will surely sink her husband's aspiration for spiritual leadership.
And so she needs to be able to see God's hand at work through her husband and desire to be submissive not only to him, but to the Lord who's calling him to ministry. Because here's the truth, ministry is a sacrifice not just for the man, but for the whole family. And I can attest to that.
I mean, it costs a whole family to be able to do ministry. That's why when a man tells me he wants to be a pastor or an elder, you know the first question I ask him? The very first question. What does your wife think? I ask every man that.
What does your wife think about that? Now, if he says, I don't know, she's not really happy about it, then you're making a huge mistake. Because truthfully, if your wife doesn't want you in ministry, or if she doesn't think you should be in ministry, you'd be foolish to pursue it. Now is it possible that she's wrong? It's possible.
But generally speaking, God uses husbands and wives in each other's life. Your spouse, men, your wife is a sanctifying influence. And I'll tell you, don't read too much into this, but in the Bible, in Proverbs, wisdom is always personified as female.
God gives wisdom to women that he doesn't give in the same measure to men. And so when your wife has intuition or wisdom or a thought or even sometimes a gut feeling, don't listen always to your gut, but in some cases there's wisdom to be had there. If she sees things in you that other people don't see, there's wisdom in listening to that.
God's going to call not just the man, but he's also going to call the wife to ministry. Not the same responsibility, mind you. And by the way, pastor's wife is not a biblical office.
There's no such thing in the Bible as the office of pastor's wife. It's important because a lot of times I think that gets misconstrued. And yet the wife of a leader, a shepherd, a pastor, she will be called to support him in ministry, to pray for him, to share wisdom with him, to sacrifice with him, to suffer with him, but also to be blessed with him.
There are blessings in the ministry that don't just get experienced by the man who's doing the work, but also for the family, for the wife and for the children. And when it's done right, there should be no competition. It's not my marriage or my ministry.
Pastor told me years ago, it's wise counsel I received from a pastor friend of mine. He said this to me, you can lose your ministry and have your marriage and you have everything. But if you lose your marriage and keep your ministry, you have nothing.
It's so true. You have to focus where your priorities are primarily responsible for giving attention to. However, your marriage becomes the garden where the seeds of faithfulness can grow.
If you're faithful in your marriage and in your home, then that'll bear fruit into your ministry. And when a man demonstrates Christlike love for his wife, she's not jealous of the church at that point. Rather, she sees her husband's faithfulness to the church as an extension of who he is at home.
There should be no difference. A man shouldn't be different here than he is at home. There should be absolute consistency between home and church.
There should be no difference. To be clear, I'm not sharing all of this with you because I have some kind of claim to mastery. Not at all.
Every Christian man is an imperfect man, and all of us are in process of growing. All of us. But brothers, I want to exhort you.
The Lord calls you, calls us, to strive to be faithful. And I would even add to this, strive to be qualified. Even if you've never even thought about ministry for a second, don't worry about that.
Strive to be qualified. Even if you have no aspiration for ministry, be a one-woman man. Be devoted to your wife in heart, mind, eyes, and body.
Love your wife as Christ loves the church. Not only will he be glorified, not only will you become sanctified, but your wife will be blessed and your children will be blessed as well. Love your wife as Christ loved the church.
Well, let me ask. How does Christ love the church? How did he love the church? He loved the church so much that he gave up his life for us. Jesus himself came to earth as a man.
He took on the form of man, lived a life of perfect godliness in submission to the Father. Never committed sin, never did anything wrong, loved people perfectly, and then he took that life and he sacrificed it. Not so that he would be served, but rather that he would serve and give his life as a ransom for us.
Jesus took the place of a devoted husband and he gave himself up for his bride. He died on the cross to pay the penalty for our sins. He was buried and then he rose again the third day to bring us new life for those who trust in him, who believe in him, who've confessed to him.
You want to know how to love your wife? Look at Christ. What would Christ do? How would Christ love my wife? Because the way that we love our wives, men, is the way that we love God. We do so through loving her.
You can't say I love Jesus and despise your wife and treat her poorly. It's incongruent. Love your wife as Christ loved the church.
Let's pray. Heavenly Father, we're grateful to you. Lord, these verses are challenging, certainly for the men.
They're challenging for the women, too. Because Lord, you're calling us in this passage, you're calling us to a standard that is higher. You're not satisfied with what we would consider acceptable on this planet.
When we look at culture, when we look at those around us and we compare ourselves left to right, that is not satisfactory to you, Lord. You call us higher, to grow, to excel still more, as the Bible says. And Lord, we recognize, we read verses like this, and we recognize that we fall so short.
This is hard, Lord, because my heart is sinful. My heart doesn't desire to be godly in every situation. And so Lord, we need mercy.
We need grace. And Lord, especially for those who are in the ministry, we need more and more grace and mercy. And yet, Lord, you've promised to give that to us because that's who you are.
You are a God who loves us so much that you gave your only begotten Son, that whosoever would believe in Him would not perish but have everlasting life. And so Lord, help us as we examine ourselves. And Lord, even as I consider everything that I've said just myself, Lord, I'm trusting that you're going to apply these truths and apply these verses to the hearers, Lord, today.
That you would meet us where we are with what we need to hear, with where we need to grow. And Lord, that you would continue to extol us and exhort us to rise in godliness. And Lord, also as we consider the calling for elders and pastors and leaders, Lord, would you continue to raise up godly men here who would love their wives as Christ, you love us.
Would they be models and examples of faithfulness so that we as a church can look on them and honor not only what they're doing in terms of being above reproach, but honor the example that is set by you, where you are perfect in your love. And we take after you, O Lord. And so have mercy on us, O Lord.
Be gracious to us. And we thank you for the grace and the mercy you've given to us already in Christ. We love you, O Lord.
In Jesus' name, amen.