Title: Dealing with Spiritual Family
Scripture: 1 Timothy 5:1-2
Speaker: Nate Pickowicz
Well, the scriptures affirm to us that the Christian life is a high calling indeed. It is not a calling of works and rules and deeds, but rather one of faith, love, and a single-minded devotion to Christ. When God saves a sinner, they become a new creation, as 2 Corinthians 5.17 says, the old things have passed away, behold, the new has come.
When Christ died on the cross, he paid the penalty for every sin, every hurtful word, every wicked thought, every evil deed. Our whole life of sin was wiped away in one instant, and we were remade from the inside out. And once we have been redeemed, we have a new life with new beliefs and a new identity and new pursuits, whereas before our whole life was about ourselves.
But in Christ, our new life is all about him, and we rejoice in that blessed opportunity. However, not everyone rejoices with us. In fact, Jesus promised in Matthew 10.36 that because of the world's opposition to Christ, his rule and his reign, we have many enemies, unfortunately.
And some of these enemies will even be those of our own household, our own family. And I've talked to many believers who they've had people who strenuously oppose them, even in their own family. Further intensifying the division, Jesus actually doubles down in that passage in verse 37, and he says, he who loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me.
And he who loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. Our allegiance to Jesus Christ needs to be so strong that other earthly bonds, relationships, allegiances are second precedent. As the old saying is, blood is thicker than water, but Christ's blood is even thicker still.
And the disciples, they understood this. They admittedly, when push came to shove, had a hard time with this truth. In fact, they asked Jesus about this in Mark chapter 10.
Just listen to the words of the apostle Peter. It says, he says, behold, we have left everything to follow you. And Jesus said, truly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or farms for my sake and for the gospel's sake, but that he will receive a hundred times as much now in the present age, houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and farms, along with persecutions, but in the age to come, eternal life.
And so Jesus expresses this this remarkable reality that we we actually receive something not not in return for our struggle, but in light of our struggle. And so despite losing friends and family and even in some cases, inheritances, Jesus, he promises a greater spiritual family as well as greater eternal reward. But the question is, well, how will the disciples, how will we receive a hundred times as much brothers and sisters, mothers, fathers, children? How do we receive that? How does this new family Jesus describes come to us? Well, there's nothing short of the blessing that we receive when we are joined to the body of Christ, to the church.
In fact, first Timothy 315, Paul talks about the church, he calls it the household of God, that's what we are. We are the household of God. More than that, we're a spiritual family, brothers and sisters with one another.
God is our heavenly father and we are his children or his children again, brothers and sisters in Christ. And that's how the New Testament addresses Christians with one another as spiritual family. And this reality impacts how we deal with one another, how we address each other, both in good times and in bad times, whether it's in joy and happiness and friendship or also in disagreement and strife and turmoil.
And so in his letter to Timothy, the apostle Paul is especially concerned with how believers deal with each other. And so that's going to be our topic of discussion this morning. So if you have your copy of scripture, turn to First Timothy chapter five.
We're beginning a new chapter this morning in First Timothy, First Timothy five. Now, just to bring us up to speed up to this point, Timothy has received a lot of instruction from the apostle Paul, and by virtue of that, our church has received a lot of instruction from this letter. But Paul is dealing with Timothy with regard to teachers who are in erring doctrine versus chapter one, verses three through seven.
He talks about men and prayer in chapter two, verses one through eight. He talks about women and submission in verses chapter two, verses nine through 15. He talks about aspiring elders in chapter three, aspiring deacons also in chapter three.
He talks about apostates and how we deal with them in chapter four. So he's covering a lot of territory in this letter. And now in chapter five, he's going to address widows in verses three through 16.
So that's what we're going to go next to the next two weeks. I'm thinking we'll be talking about the church's relationship to widows. But before he deals with the widows, he deals generally with all of us who make up the spiritual family.
And so now in chapter five, verses one and two, there seems to be the presumption that there has been some kind of sin or trespass that's taken place that would cause Timothy or others to respond. In fact, that's actually John MacArthur's belief when he analyzes the passage that there's really two key verbs that direct this passage, the verb that deals with rebuke and then appeal in verse one. So rebuke and appeal and that leads us into this idea that there has been some kind of transgression.
But let's look at these two verses together. First Timothy, chapter five, verses one and two. The apostle Paul writes this.
Do not sharply rebuke an older man, but rather appeal to him as a father, to the younger men as brothers, the older women as mothers and the younger women as sisters in all purity. Now, it is possible that Paul is making a general statement as to how we are to talk to each other, how we are to deal with each other. But again, there does seem to be an underlying context of some sort of wrongdoing.
And so the question is, well, how do we respond to other people in church if they were to sin either just in general or even just against us? How do we respond in such a way? Do we treat others like enemies? Do we do we fight a war against them? Do we regard one another as simply just attendees? So we go to the same church. Is that how we are with one another? Do we address one another as strangers or merely acquaintances? How are we to deal with one another in the context of this household of God? As with several other passages, the apostle Paul actually groups the church into four categories. He also does this in Titus chapter two, if you're looking at that.
But here he deals with the group in the church. And really, you could basically work this out. This is all of us here of older men, younger men, older women and younger women.
There really isn't any other category, right? That's essentially who we are. But that's what he deals with. And he starts first with the older men.
Verse one, look again at this. He says to Timothy, who's a young pastor, do not sharply rebuke an older man. This word in the Greek for older men is presbyteros.
It's literally the word for elder. And we when we looked at chapter three, it was the same word that was used for the office of the elder. But we understand from this context that he's not talking about church officers, but literally an elder man.
And one of the reasons we know this is because he does the same thing in the feminine form in verse two when he deals with older women. He doesn't call them presbyteros. He calls them presbyteros, the female version of this.
But the question then is, well, how old exactly is an older man? I know some of you are anxiously waiting for this answer to determine how old you really are, according to Scripture. Some have speculated here that when he's talking about older men, he means anyone over 40 or anyone over 50. I know generally speaking, when he talks about older women in the scriptures, certainly in Titus, generally speaking in the culture, they're viewing women who are older than 60.
So whether he's talking about 40 or 50 or 60, we don't know. But truth be told that the issue is not age. The issue is relationship.
It is someone who is notably older than you. And so not necessarily a difference between someone who's 35 and 40, but rather something that is more substantial, perhaps even generational. Now, there may be times in your own life, maybe you're 35 years old or so, maybe you're a young Christian and you have a relationship with someone who is substantially older in the faith to you, even though they might only be 10 years older than you.
But in your mind and heart, you regard them as much elder, much more mature. And you have a respectable relationship based on that gap. Again, the issue is not the age, the number itself, even though the Bible does put a premium on age.
Generally speaking, older persons have wisdom and experience. And certainly in the church, we revere older believers. For believers, an aged Christian is a rare treasure.
See, culture has it flipped upside down. In the broader American culture and the Western culture, we value youthfulness and young age and excitement and energy and attractiveness. And we put all of our chips on the younger up and coming.
And then as soon as a person reaches a certain age, they kind of drop off and they become irrelevant in culture. The church is the complete opposite. We hold younger believers with a little bit of suspect, not negatively, but you want to wait and see how things are going for them.
Is their faith sure? Is the fruit genuine? And then as the older they get, if they have years and decades in life as a believer or even in ministry, we hold them in a higher regard because they've been faithful. And so up is down in the kingdom of God. And so there is an issue again, the premium on age.
Israel in Leviticus 1932 was commanded, you shall rise up before the gray headed. When was the last time you stood up in the presence of an older person? Israel was supposed to do that. Rise up before the gray headed.
And he says, and honor the aged that you should revere your God. I, the Lord, am your God. Proverbs 20, 29, the glory of young men is in their strength and the honor of old men is in their gray hair.
So if you have gray hair, praise the Lord for you. Age and maturity are to be honored in the kingdom of God. We ought to respect the aged.
And so with that said, Paul is instructing this young pastor, Timothy. He says, do not sharply rebuke an older man. Now, it's important that we weigh this out.
We're understanding here that he's not saying there isn't a place for a godly rebuke. Just because they're older doesn't mean that they're infallible and you're never to say anything to them. There is a value and a carefully and prayerfully considered rebuke if there is something to rebuke.
Sometimes older men need to be rebuked when they are in error or sin. But this Greek word here in the original is epi pleso. It literally means to strike or to punish.
It can also refer to a reproval or a rebuke, a harsh rebuke. The sense of it is when you strike a person with your words. Have you ever struck somebody, punched someone with a word before? I know that all of us, I'm sure on some level, maybe a few of you are sweet-spirited and have never done that.
But I'd say most people in the world have when they've lost their temper or been irritated, said something harshly that they later have come to regret. But it's essentially a verbal smackdown is what it is. It's an assault.
The NIV renders it a harsh rebuke. But there is a greater principle here. Proverbs 15.1 says a gentle answer, a soft answer turns away wrath.
Ever notice that too? If you were to come at a person really difficult, if you come at them hard and you go after them and you're yelling and screaming, it just never goes well for you. Ever notice that? But yet, if you go to them quietly and peaceably and gently and carefully, it tends to go better. That's a maxim from Scripture that a soft answer, a gentle answer will turn away wrath.
There are seldom times when a stinging rebuke is needed, if ever. In fact, when I was thinking about this this week, I can't remember the last time that I sharply rebuked a person and it didn't result in me having to apologize later. I don't remember the last time that that was warranted.
Again, it's not that it's never warranted, but it's super rare, guys, big time. But again, as a general maxim, graciousness wins every time. Graciousness.
You cannot value graciousness high enough. I think about Galatians 6.1. Brethren, even if anyone is caught in any trespass, he says, you who are spiritual, if you are spiritually mature, he says, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness. So even when a person is in sin, you don't go at them with guns blazing.
Who do you think you are? What's wrong with you? Rather, you go to them with a little bit of timidity and graciousness and deference and you go to them in kindness. I even think about the pastoral correction in Second Timothy chapter two. Actually, I read these verses a lot to remind myself.
Second Timothy 2.24, the Lord's bond servant must not be quarrelsome, but kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged. Listen to this, with gentleness, correcting those who are in opposition, if perhaps God may grant them repentance, leading to the knowledge of the truth. There are times when maybe the flesh rises up and I'll be very candid with you.
There are times even in my own emotion, something will happen and I'll say, that's it. I got to lay down the pastoral law, so to speak. I'm going to go tell them what's going on.
And I go and I confront them and I do a little bit more harshly than I ought to. It always calls for a phone call after. It happens all the time.
Some of you, I'm sure, have gotten calls from me. I usually don't text an apology, but sometimes I do, depending on the person. But normally I'll call and I'll say, you know, I said something I should not have said in the way I shouldn't have said it.
And I'm sorry, please forgive me. There are times when we feel like that's it, justice is ours. And you ever feel that way sometimes with your spouse or with your kids or your coworkers or your boss or your friends or your church members here, you feel like I got to go and deal with this.
I'm going to come at them hard. But the Bible actually warns not to do that, to come at people with gentleness and compassion and patience, patience, even when correcting error. And so, again, kindness, gentleness, not harshness, not abuse.
And so here he says, when an older man is in need of correction, it is not to come by way of a sharp rebuke. I've witnessed times when an older man has been rebuked by someone else, and I'll tell you, it happens sometimes by younger people. And I'm thinking that is a huge mistake.
You don't sharply rebuke an older man. But then Paul adds, rather, instead of doing that, rather appeal to him as a father. This word for appeal is parakaleo, it's literally referring to a calling or an exhortation, this word can be translated in treaty, it can be rendered and dealt with as like a pleading or a beseeching.
Sometimes even the word is used to comfort. But there's a sense of coming alongside, reasoning with, encouraging the person as you're talking to them about hard things. You want to bring forward the truth with respectfulness, with honor, with dignity, with carefulness.
You don't want to attack them and dress them down and humiliate them and obliterate them as an older man. But it's more than just about respect, because again, our culture used to value, I say used to value, respect. When you talk about speaking with your elders sort of a thing, when I was younger growing up, there was just a certain way that you were to speak and address an older person.
A lot of that's gone these days, unfortunately. But again, it's more than just about respect in the church, it is about love. It is ultimately about love.
And Paul says that when an old man is in need of some kind of correction or gentle rebuke, he says you are to appeal to him, to call, to exhort, to beseech pericaleo, to appeal to him as a father. As a father. In a very real sense, the relationship of many in the church is that of spiritual parents and spiritual children.
Have you ever considered that, that your relationship to one another here is that kind of relationship, regardless of whether you realize it or not? That's how Paul sees himself in First Thessalonians 2, 11, he tells the church, we were exhorting and encouraging and imploring each one of you as a father would his own children. Paul saw himself as a spiritual father to the church. The Apostle John calls himself the elder, not just because he's old, because he saw himself as a father figure.
He's not the father, the heavenly father. No one takes the father's place. I would even add that's why we don't call older men spiritual leaders father.
I think it's a gross error in the Roman Catholic Church to call a spiritual leader father. There is only one father. That's the heavenly father.
But we do deal with each other on spiritual terms, relational terms as fathers and mothers and children. Furthermore, Paul saw the younger disciples in his life as his own sons. If you think about even Titus and Timothy, two of the men that we think are the closest to him, he refers to both of them as my true child in the faith.
He looked at these young men and he says, you're just like my son, I love you like a son, and vice versa. Younger believers ought to see older believers as spiritual parents. There are several of you here in this church that I regard as spiritual parents.
I've gone to some of you as for counsel and for wisdom. And I respect there's quite a few, especially the men in this church that I look up to. Not only are they older than me, but they have a lot more wisdom and years with the Lord than I do.
We are to see one another as spiritual in spiritual terms, older men and women as spiritual older mothers and fathers. But here again, fathers here, Christian men who have lived their life in wisdom and godliness, they are our spiritual fathers. That's who they are.
And so let me ask, do you regard older men in the church this way as spiritual fathers? Do you revere them? Do you respect them? Of course, this does cut both ways, doesn't it? Older men, are you respectable? Older men, are you godly or are you just a 60 year old spiritual child? Because that happens, too. You cannot expect the younger to respect you if you are not respectable and you can't expect them to treat you as godly if you're not godly. And so it is incumbent upon you as well.
If you desire to see this fulfilled in your own life, be a man of integrity and respect and godliness, which then leads us to the second category here. How do you view older men? How do you view the younger men? Because again, this does go the other way, doesn't it? Do you review view younger men with contempt or disregard or with sarcasm or impatience when you walk by a younger man in the faith? Do you just kind of look down your nose and sneer? Or do you view them, the Bible says, as brothers, are they your brothers, younger men? They need respect, even if they haven't earned it yet. Consider that.
Younger men need respect. Why? How so? Well, here's the thing. If you treat younger men as perpetual children and you hold their youthfulness forever over their head, you're going to do two things.
Number one, they're never going to mature because you're going to hold them in spiritual infancy. But number two, they'll grow to despise you and they won't listen to you. Do you want to alienate a younger man and ensure he'll never, ever pay attention to anything you have to say? Disrespect him.
Look down your nose at him. Frustrate him, which is actually what Paul tells fathers not to do in Ephesians 6, 4. He says, fathers, do not exasperate your children. Don't provoke them to anger.
You'll frustrate them. And so if fathers are not to do that with their own biological children, then spiritual fathers ought not also to do that with their spiritual sons. Don't frustrate them to the point of anger and frustration and discouragement.
And I fear that all too often that can happen. You can look down your nose at a younger man and say, this guy doesn't know anything. Oh, come on, you know, and have that sort of sarcastic attitude.
And all it does is denigrate them. Now, have they earned the respect of maturity in the faith yet? No, not yet. But in time, they will.
And we need to see them sort of fourth dimensionally, treat them along the way as they're growing in the Lord. When they make mistakes, you'd be gentle with them to correct them kindly, encourage them, don't humiliate them either. Now, Paul is not referring here to children, young children, because there are times when you have to, as they say, break the will, but not the spirit.
However, we're talking younger men. Generally speaking, we're talking about men who are late teens, 20s, 30s, younger men. And we are to understand here that he's carrying this word forward, parakaleo, appeal.
He's bringing that word, that verb forward to apply here. So older men in dealing with younger men ought to appeal to them as brothers. My friend, come here.
Let's, I want to talk to you for just a second. I'm not going to, I'm not going to take your head off. I just want to talk to you.
Come listen to me. It seems like you've been struggling with this. Let me encourage, let me help you.
And you come alongside, you appeal to them, you're kind to them as a younger brother. But where do we get this from? Well, did not Jesus also call the disciples his brothers? He does it in places like Matthew 12, verses 49 and 50, John 20, 17. Jesus, the Lord Jesus Christ, refers to us as spiritual siblings.
Brothers and sisters in the Lord. And yet he is the Lord. He doesn't have to give us any kind of honor or respect at all whatsoever, does he? He doesn't have to call us that way.
And yet he does deal kindly with the disciples as brothers. He calls them brothers. He calls them his friends.
And so if the Lord Jesus Christ, the King of creation can deal with these men, these younger men, these immature, ungodly men, if he can treat them as brothers. Then what right do we have not to treat one another in such a way? And so we are the siblings, the spiritual siblings of the Lord per his word. But then Paul comes to verse two here.
Now he's going to deal with the ladies. Verse two, Paul carries over this word appeal from the previous verse now to the older women. They, too, are not to be spoken to harshly.
If anything, they need even more tenderness than the men. Older women in the faith ought to be treated as mothers. Now, again, I'm not going to define the ages, even though I kind of hinted at it already.
But I would even just say this. Do you regard yourself as an older woman? It's not for someone else to say that to you. But do you see yourself in such a way? We even think about Timothy's own mother, Eunice, or his grandmother, Lois, in 2 Timothy 1.5. I mean, they had a massive impact on Timothy.
They were instrumental in leading him toward the faith, teaching him the scriptures. Or even consider how Paul addressed Rufus's mother in Romans 16.13. He's writing a whole section here to all of his friends. He's naming people in the ministry.
And then he tells the Roman church, he says, Greet Rufus, a choice man in the Lord. Also, he's implying, greet his mother and mine. He's not saying that my mother is Rufus's mother.
He's the one way to read the Greek is a mother to me, too. Whatever his relationship was with Rufus's mother, he had a love for her. His friend Rufus had a wonderful mother, and Paul saw her as a spiritual mom.
Those relationships are precious as well. I grew up with a family, and the mother of my best friend, I called her mom all the time. Even to this day, when I see her, I call her mom because that's who she is to me.
Now, this verse becomes all the more impactful when we consider where Paul is going to go next here, talking about older women, right? Where is he going here? Older women are to be seen as mothers, which is going to frame how we are to look at them when we regard them as widows, when they are widowed. So keep this teaching about the older women in the faith. Keep this in your mind as we're going to move forward in the next couple of verses in the next few weeks here.
But this concept of spiritual fathers and mothers, it takes on a deeper meaning when we consider Scripture's teaching about parents and children. Ephesians 6-2 quotes the fifth commandment from Exodus 20, to honor your father and mother, which Paul says is the first commandment with a promise. He says, what is that promise? Well, it is that it may be well with you and that you will live long in the land.
Proverbs is loaded with commands to honor and revere and listen to the wisdom instruction of your parents. Such wisdom, Proverbs 1-9 says, is a graceful wreath about your head and ornaments around your neck. And so this is meant to be carried forward, I believe, even into church relationships here.
Yes, we are to honor our father and mother, but what about spiritual fathers and spiritual mothers? To treat mothers and fathers with honor and also to treat younger men as brothers. But then we also tack on to that with the women here. What about the younger women? Now we're into a fourth category, older men, younger men, older women.
What about their corresponding part there, the younger women in the faith? Paul deals with them very carefully here. Now, on the surface, there is no difference in the body of Christ between men and women. Doesn't matter if you're older man, younger man, older women, younger women, it doesn't make a difference.
Galatians 3-28 says that you and I, we are all one in Christ Jesus. The Bible does not give preference to men or women in terms of the equality. The ground is level at the foot of the cross.
We are spiritual equals with one another. And yet Paul seems to single out the younger women here in his exhortation to Timothy, adding this modifier to the treatment, he says, that they are to be dealt with in all purity. Paul has already addressed the mandate for purity in chapter 4, verse 12.
He exhorts the young disciple to show himself as an example of those who believe. And he gives five areas here in the realm of speech, conduct, love, faith, and then purity. Purity is hagnia in the Greek.
It refers to sexual purity, to chastity. But here, Paul exhorts that the younger women be regarded as sisters in the Lord. And we see now that Paul is how he is viewing women in the church and even in the ministry.
Romans 16-1, Paul commends Phoebes. He calls her our sister Phoebe. Philemon 2, Aphia, this woman Aphia is called our sister.
Even if you think about how Paul deals with these two women in Philippians 4, Euodia and Syntyche, who were fighting with each other, the quarreling. Now, he doesn't literally call them sisters in the passage, but how he deals with them. He doesn't hand out a mandate to the pastor of the Philippian church and say, listen, you've got to bring these women for church discipline.
He doesn't do that. He goes the other way. He actually acts with tenderness as an older brother and he commends them to live in harmony and actually exhorts his brothers in the faith to come alongside and help them.
He loves these women as sisters, and so that's how we are to treat Christian women as sisters in the Lord. And Paul addresses Timothy as a young pastor in his 30s. He's dealing with young women in the ministry.
And in this flock, and it's clear that Timothy as a young pastor is to treat the women in his church as sisters. And then he adds in all purity. Some translations render this in absolute purity.
Now, why the emphasis on the treatment of the younger women in the church? Isn't that the same with all of us? Well, it's because of the heightened temptation towards sexual immorality, particularly with men. It's a problem as old as Adam. It has always been the problem.
Now, it is not that younger women can't be tempted in the same way. In fact, if you were to look over at verse 11 in the same passage here, Paul mentions the danger of younger widows, younger widows in verse 11, who experience the sensual desires in disregard of Christ. So a young woman loses her husband.
She's still in the prime of her life. She loses her husband, and versus just becoming a perpetual widow forever, Paul knows that because of the way things go, the relationships, the desires, she's going to want to have a relationship with another man after her husband's dead. We know that this can happen.
Women who are widowed or even who are divorced, they begin to crave intimacy and they begin to crave tenderness from a man, which can lead them to throwing themselves at a man, and sometimes that can result in sexual immorality. Even as pastors in ministry, I think about it all the time. I hear stories all the time, and it's an age-old story.
The pastor meets with the husband and wife who are having marital problems, and what happens is that, oh, because of the closeness that they develop in the counseling relationship, the pastor gets closer to the wife, and the wife, she takes on his tenderness and his care and his concern, and she receives that as sexual interest or relational interest, and then she throws herself at him, or vice versa, they develop a relationship based on this trauma and the counseling, and then they commit adultery. It happens all the time. I hear stories all the time.
I heard a story last month about the exact same thing. A guy fell in ministry because he got too close to a man's wife. This is why it is important that we follow what is commonly known today as the Billy Graham rule.
In fact, I do all I can to meet with single women or women alone. I don't meet with them alone, especially not in private. Either I'll bring somebody else with me, or I'll put ourselves in a public area.
I'll make sure that someone else is with an eye shot. I'll walk outside. I mean, try to do everything you possibly can to keep that from happening.
Well, why? Well, it's not only for her safety, it's for mine, and it's for the purity and for the witness of the church. So important. But Paul doesn't focus on women seeing men as brothers in all purity, even though that's essential.
Rather, he emphasizes here how men see Christian women. How do men see your spiritual sisters here? And that's what he says, regard them as sisters. Well, why sisters? Because it conveys the sense of a deep spiritual and emotional bond, yet without the possibility of a sexual relationship, because we are close.
I mean, I've known many of you ladies. I've known many of you for years, years and years. And I have close friendships, pure friendships here with women, except that there is not the possibility here.
We want to remove the possibility of anything happening in that relationship. Christian men and Christian women are siblings in the Lord and are not to violate that relationship. To violate that would unlawfully, it would be equivalent to spiritual incest.
Regarding the possibility of responsibility of pastors, John MacArthur writes this. There are few things as evil as a pastor who sins mentally or physically with a young woman he has been helping spiritually. But it all starts with how we view one another, because again, you can hear the horror stories, but it begins even farther back.
How do we see each other here in the church? How do you, when you look around at each other, when you have relationships and you build relationships, you go to each other's houses and have fellowship and have time together. How do you see each other? Do you view one another, especially men, do you view the women here as objects of your immoral desire? Or do you love them? Do you love one another as the sanctified family of God? Are they your sisters? Are they your mothers? Ladies, are these men your brothers and your fathers? Are they close to you in that way? This is so important, beloved, even more so now, if I were preaching the sermon 300 years ago, it probably would not be as intense. But because our culture has gone so overly sexualized to the point where there is no shame in it anymore, we have TV shows about the occurrence of things like that.
And so it is all the more incumbent upon us to make sure that we maintain purity in our relationships with one another. But I also think it's important to address the elephant in the room. What about the situation where you have Christians who desire to date other Christians? Is Christian dating within the church, is it OK? Is it wrong for a single Christian to seek out a romantic relationship within the church? Frankly, for those in the church who are single, let me ask the question, is there a better place to find a spouse? You certainly don't want to go to bars and clubs to find a Christian spouse, do you? No, certainly this is a wonderful place.
And after all, you'll have a better chance of getting to know who they really are as believers if you're in the same spiritual family. You'll see them on Sunday mornings in worship. You'll have small groups.
You'll have situations where you're invited to dinner and you can spend time together. You'll be able to talk to the spiritual leaders of the church and find out really what's going on. But I would even give a caution that just because, ladies, just because you meet him at church doesn't mean he's a Christian.
That happens a lot of times, too, where a guy will look for a wife and they don't want to go to the bars. And so they say, well, I'll find a moral girl if I go to church. And so they will troll churches to find a girl to marry them.
They use a couple of Christianese buzzwords and they'll get them to marry them. My very first counseling case was that situation where a guy who was unregenerate went to church, trolling for a wife, found her, married her and then had a terrible marriage, committed adultery on her umpteen times. And she was broken because she didn't know that he wasn't a Christian.
Let me tell you, ladies, especially, give him a theological examination. I will help you. I've offered this to some of you ladies, haven't I? I've been yet to taken up on it, but that's OK.
I'll still offer it. I'll tell you, it's good. I'm not going to quiz him on, you know, the silly things, but it's important to ask the question, what is your view on the gospel? When did you come to Christ as a believer? How do you view the scriptures? How do you view marriage? How do you view complementarianism? How do you view your life as a believer? What are your spiritual disciplines like? What's your prayer life like? I mean, these are good questions to ask, certainly of the women to the men, but the men to the women as well.
Again, just because they're here does not necessarily mean they're believers, but you have a better chance of finding a believer here than elsewhere. And so this is a good place, but let me offer some cautions to you about this as you consider. And again, there are some of you in that situation right now who are single and at some point in your life desire to have a Christian spouse.
And so let me offer you some cautions here. Number one, be at church for Christ first. Don't be here because you want a spouse.
Be here because you want Christ. You want to know him. You want to gather to worship God with his people first, that you're not just here to satisfy your own desires.
And Matthew 633 says, if you seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, what does he say? All these other things will be added to you. If you pursue godliness and you pursue Christ and you pursue a genuine relationship with him, that is actually an attractive quality to a believer who's looking to be married to someone. The most desirable quality about believers is their love for Christ.
And so seek Christ first and then he will care for you in his own providential will and in his own timetable. It might not always happen in the way that you want. In terms of finding a spouse, it never happens as fast in the Lord as you would desire.
But if you wait on the Lord, he will be faithful to you. Number two, build strong spiritual friendships first, learn how to love one another as believers, know each other in Christ and not simply because you're looking for a spouse, know them as Christians, practice the one on others, become close to them in a spiritual relationship where you can encourage them and pray for them and care for them. Treat them as brothers and sisters in all purity because you want to honor Christ.
Do that first. In fact, manifesting godly character. Again, I've said this before, will be attractive.
I think about Proverbs 31 30. Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised. Godly character wins every time.
So again, seek Christ likeness first, manifest godliness toward those who are of the opposite sex. And the number three, if and when you find your future spouse, be pure and chaste until you've entered into a marriage covenant with them. Even if you're scheduled to be married, don't start your Christian marriage off with committing the sin of fornication.
Be patient. Wait on the Lord. Trust his timing and he'll honor that.
He'll honor that too many believers jump into prematurely. I hear about it all the time, all the time. Be patient and the Lord will bless you.
It is so important, beloved, how we address and conduct ourselves in the household of God, that we are first and foremost gentle and honorable and gracious with those around us, that we manifest a spirit of unity and reconciliation and peace, that we're not at war with each other. Don't let the house of God become divided by pettiness and squabbling and bitterness. Manifest unity and peace, that we engage in love and purity and godliness, that we would have genuine relationships with one another that are not tainted again in all purity.
Because here's the thing. The glory of God is worth it. It's worth it that we maintain a vibrant purity and a love here at this church.
It's so important that our relationships are good, that your friendships are real, that your spiritual family is really your spiritual family. And yet we know that we can't do any of this by ourselves. It's not up to you to be everything you have to be for Christ, because without him working in you, it's impossible.
And so we know that it is by God's grace that we can do anything. It's by God's grace that we're saved at all. By his grace that Christ comes to earth, wrapped as a God and human flesh here, he wraps himself in a body, he gives his life on the cross to pay the penalty for sin.
His own blood is the payment, the atonement for our sin. The Bible teaches that he is our ransom. He gives himself up as a sacrifice to pay for our sins.
And we receive that sacrifice, that payment through our faith in Jesus Christ. It's a free gift to us. That's all of grace.
We're saved by his grace, but we're also sanctified by his grace. If you're growing in the Lord, it's not because you've just muscled up and powered through. No, we actually go from strength to strength.
It's his strength that we go. He's the one sanctifying us. He's the one growing us.
And when you see one another, when you see brothers and sisters in the Lord, if they're growing in the Lord, it's because God is growing them and you are to rejoice with them. By his grace, we're sanctified by his grace. We will also be glorified with him one day by his grace on the last day when we close our eyes and death, that one moment that we pass on here, the next moment we are we are with him in glory forever.
But all of our life is by grace. Again, we can do nothing of ourselves. And so I would invite you, if you are here this morning and you don't, you've never done this, you've never put your faith in Jesus Christ.
Maybe you've never known who he is before. You've heard the name, but you don't know that he's God in human flesh, that he came to earth to give himself for you as an offering, as a gift, that if you turn away from your sins and you trust in him, you throw your whole life onto him by faith and say, I'm yours, Lord. I've sinned against you and I hate my sin.
Forgive me and save me. If you do that, the Bible says he will not only forgive you, he'll save you and he'll give you eternal life and you'll never be separated from him. You'll never experience loss, death, suffering in heaven.
You'll be with him in glory forever. What a wonderful gift from our spiritual brother, as the Bible teaches to us as the children of God, what a wonderful thing it is to know the Lord Jesus Christ personally and to be counted in his family. And what a wonderful thing for us to have a spiritual family here where we are all brothers and sisters, fathers and mothers and children together, all bonded together in Christ.
Let's pray. Heavenly Father, we thank you for your loving kindness, your goodness to us. So, Lord, we thank you that you are our heavenly father and that we are your adopted children, that you bring us into your own household, into your into your dwelling place.
You bring us where you are, Lord, and you treat us as your own, even though we were formerly enemies, we were formerly against you, we were hated because of our sin. And yet, because of Christ, we are beloved of you, that you have redeemed us and you've drawn us to yourself and not only to yourself, but you've placed us here in a spiritual family. You've placed us among other believers that we can love and grow in relationship with, that we can have as friends and brothers and sisters.
And we find spiritual parents and spiritual children here, Lord, that we can have a genuine love. And Lord, I know that some people here have lost a lot to be a Christian or I know that they have lost their parents or they've lost their siblings or their dearest friends. Some of them have lost jobs or even been disinherited because of you.
Lord, would you help them to see that they have found more here in the body of Christ than they've ever lost in this world, that this is a forever family for us, that one day we will see one another in glory standing before your throne. Lord, let us see one another in such a way. Let us not bite and devour one another.
Let us not look down our noses at one another, O Lord, but let us love each other the way that you love us. We thank you for such a precious gift of this precious family here. Help us, O Lord, to maintain the unity of the spirit and the bond of peace here at this church.
And Lord, I pray if there are instances here where we have sinned against one another, maybe there are individuals here who have something against their brother or sister or there's bitterness or squabbling or fighting or disunity, Lord, that you would move in their hearts to be convicted, to reconcile, to confess sins, to forgive, to be restored. Lord, would you please move in the hearts of your people even now? Your glory is worth it. And we thank you for all of these things in Jesus name.
Amen. Amen.